The Side of Passion No One Talks About
A personal journey through burnout, depression, and healing.
In 2023, I hit one of the lowest points of my life.
It wasn’t triggered by a toxic boss or an overwhelming deadline. It wasn’t because someone pushed me too hard.
I did it to myself. I worked like hell, not because I had to, but because I loved doing it. I poured myself into work, into code, into problems I couldn’t stop thinking about. It gave me purpose. It made me feel alive.
Until one day, it didn’t.
The Downfall I Didn’t See Coming
At first, it was just fatigue. I thought I was just tired, a few days of rest and I’d bounce back.
But the tiredness lingered. My mind stopped working the way it used to. I began feeling anxious for no reason. My sleep went for a toss. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t think straight.
And then something even worse happened: I stopped feeling like myself.
The very thing that brought me joy… coding, building, solving, became unbearable. I couldn’t even look at my laptop. I didn’t want to. I physically couldn’t bring myself to open it.
Life felt empty. The world around me felt disconnected. Everything I once enjoyed became… dull.
And then came the thoughts, the fear that something terrible was going to happen.
I remember waking up with a tight chest and a heavy heart, unsure if I’d even want to get through the day. Touchwood, that was a dark phase.
The World Didn’t Get It
The worst part? Very few understood.
When you break your leg, people see it. When you burn out, it’s invisible. And when you’re someone who’s always been driven and high-performing, it’s even harder for people to believe something’s wrong.
Some thought I was just slacking. Some thought I was overreacting.
But burnout isn’t “in your head.” It’s real. It crushes your confidence, wrecks your routines, and flips your personality inside out.
I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t weak. I was broken, quietly, deeply, and completely.
The Slow Road to Recovery
Getting out of that state wasn’t easy.
It didn’t happen in a week or a month. It took over a year to fully recover. And honestly, it didn’t come from a therapist or a miracle cure. It came from slowly, painfully, reconnecting with life.
Here’s what helped me:
Meditation - just sitting with myself, quietly, without pressure.
Walking and light running - moving my body when my mind refused to move.
Watching movies and traveling - things I stopped doing in the name of work.
Talking to friends - people who didn’t need to understand fully, just stayed present.
Reading books - slowly reigniting curiosity again.
Acceptance - this was the biggest one.
That it’s okay to be where I am. That I don’t need to be “fixed.” That it’s okay to slow down, to fall apart, and to take my time rebuilding.
These sound simple, but they saved me. They gave me breath again. One day at a time, they helped me come back, not to who I was, but to someone more grounded.
What Burnout Taught Me
It taught me what’s actually important in life, and what’s not.
It taught me that rest is productive. That doing something slowly doesn’t mean doing it badly. That I’m not my output. That success doesn’t mean sprinting all the time.
It also taught me empathy. Now when I see someone zoned out, detached, or unmotivated, I don’t judge. I wonder what they’re going through underneath. Because I know how hard it is to function when you’re burning inside.
And I’ve learned to protect myself better now, with boundaries, balance, and space. The grind will always be there. But I won’t, if I keep ignoring my limits.
To Those Going Through It Right Now
If you’re going through something similar, I want you to know this:
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
And you won’t feel like this forever.
Burnout is real. It’s valid. It doesn’t make you any less smart, talented, or worthy.
You don’t have to bounce back immediately. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You just need to start small, breathe, rest, walk, talk, cry if you need to. It’s okay.
You’ll come back. Maybe not as the old you. Maybe as someone stronger, slower, wiser, kinder.
The Part That’s Rarely Spoken About
Burnout in tech, especially among people who love what they do, is under-discussed.
We celebrate sleepless nights, late pushes, and always being “on.” But we don’t talk enough about what happens when that fire turns into a flameout.
Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a warning sign.
Let’s stop pretending it’s not real. Let’s talk about it. Let’s support each other through it.Because no amount of success is worth losing yourself.
Take care of yourself. The world can wait.
And if you're in that phase right now, I see you. You’ll find your way back.
You already took the hardest step: acknowledging it.